How to get your dirtbike 100HP Certified!

So, you have a 100HP dirtbike and you want it certified? The following FAQ will help you along this path!

Do I submit a dyno test?

Dynos are fake, they are random number generators based on the smell of oil. You can prove they are fake by throwing a quarter into a well and listening for the horsepower. You do not have to submit any dyno test, in fact you will be disqualified if you do. You need to submit firstly a list of social media posts where you said that this bike has a 100HP. Secondly you have to swear that it has a 100 HP and tell us about someone you might know who may say it also has 100HP.

Is there any paperwork about the Modifications done?

No, we don't accept mumbo jumbo about piston twists or peperment patties. You just need to say something like 'light modifications' or 'new exhaust'. Something along those lines would be acceptable.

How do you decide on a certification?

Once you have submitted all the materials, the board will get together early Saturday evening. Willie Nelson will bring the bud and Dolly Parton will give a pep talk. Then the failed singers will form a barbershop quartet and then we will all get hammered. By the time the space clowns land we probably will have decided to certify your bike as 100HP or not.

What does the certificate look like?